BiteLabs might just have one of the grabbiest landing pages we’ve ever seen (pictured above). “Eat Celebrity Meat: BiteLabs grows meat from celebrity tissue samples and uses it to make artisanal salami.” How can you not click to learn more? We did, and here’s what we found out.
Citing Winston Churchill’s 1931 prediction that the meat of the future would all be grown in labs—allowing you to produce only the parts of animals you want to eat (why bother with a whole chicken when you just want a breast or a wing?)—BiteLabs boasts the many benefits of In-Vitro meat production: it’s healthier (no growth hormones), highly controlled, cruelty-free, and reduces waste and the environmental impact of slaughterhouses. BiteLabs also includes an easy-to-follow how-to if you want to give meat growing a go yourself (scroll down).
Growing your own celebrity meat is as easy as 1-2-3!
1. Get your hands on some myosatellite stem cells from your favorite celebrity, which you can find in their muscle tissue. (Disclaimer: you’ll need to do a quick biopsy, no biggie).
2. Plant the cells in a growth medium and watch them multiply! As they become new muscle tissue (a.k.a. meat), move them into a bioreactor (any kind will do) and attach them over a sugar support to give them form as they develop into strong, young muscles.
3. Once fully mature, combine all the meat pieces in a grinder (BiteLabs uses a 30:40:30 ratio of celebrity meat to lab-grown animal meat and fats and spices), stuff it into a casing, and allow to dry, age, and cure. Serve BiteLab’s James Franco and Jennifer Lawrence varieties with your charcuterie of choice.
Is eating meat harvested from Hollywood’s hot list really in the stars? Probably not (though it’s a clever way to attract attention to a potentially unsavory topic), but considering how unsustainable conventional farming methods are (it occupies 30% of the earth’s surface), the reality of In-Vitro meat production isn’t actually that crazy—or even that distant.
Tweet #EatCelebrityMeat and tell us (@thisismold) who you’d want to serve up.
